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P.S: Healing

The most difficult task after a loss is to heal oneself. It is not at all easy. But then, it is not difficult too. Also, every individual has his or her pace in path to healing. So, should one let time do the needful? Well...the answer can differ from person to person.

It is true that every individual has a coping technique that is unique to him or her. The person may or may not be aware of the existence of such a technique but then it does manifest itself when need arises. In my case I found solace in writing. In fact, I pour my heart when I pen my thoughts. Some said I shouldn't because that made me seem vulnerable. Others said it showed them I was healing. As far as I was concerned, I was rediscovering myself.

Like me, there are many who have found their own ways and means to overcome grief. And... it is necessary. No grieving results in no healing and it thereafter leads to a vicious circle of pain, hurt, despair and depression. It is like entering a bottomless pit and reachi…

P.S: Moments Count

The irony of life is we live in days and years, yet it is not days, weeks, months or years that define our existence. A life lived well is made up of cherished moments and not the number of breaths we have taken. Sadly, it is only after a death in the family, own family, that the importance of life comes to the forefront. In fact, one never thinks about living life in moments unless someone close to us has died.

After my husband died, I got a lot of time to introspect. In fact, much more than what a normal person would have got, thanks to me being pregnant. So... as I looked within and travelled down the memory lane, I realised that if I counted my married life with my sweetheart in days and months, I had barely lived with him. Inspite of being married for six years our days of being together in the same place was less than a year. Does that mean we were not happily married? Or we didnot have a life as a couple? Well, the answer is NO because when I started counting the moments we ha…

P.S: Phases

Every individual goes through different phases of life. I strongly believe that it is more so after a personal loss. What I am listing out here is what I have gone through. It may be similar in case of others.

Phase One is Denial Of Reality. This happens immediately after the loss occurs. Its like "No, it is not true" or "It cannot happen to me" or "My so and so is very much alive". Its a phase where both the heart and mind refuse to accept that such a loss has occurred in the first place. After my husband's death I refused to accept the same by constantly telling myself that he was away on a job where no channel of communication existed. No, I had not gone bonkers but since I was five months pregnant with a baby, my priority at that point of time was to ensure my negative emotions do not affect the baby's development. On top of it I had a toddler to handle as well. Did it help me? To some extent yes because my baby was born normal without any ab…

P.S: The Day

Where do I start my story? Should I begin from the day it all happened or the day I had a premonition? Well...lets keep the latter for another day.

It was one of those comfortable months in a small town of Tamil Nadu where people went about their businesses quietly. I was a happy working woman. In fact, I couldn’t have been happier. I was working in an organization which was my extended family, had been married to the man I loved since past six years, had a naughty little four and half year old to run behind and was  five months pregnant with our second baby. I was on cloud nine. Which woman wouldn’t be???  On top of it, I was now walking, rather rolling, like an unguided ball due to my baby bump.

Like always, reached my office and immersed myself into a long-pending file. My phone rang and my heart skipped beats. He always had this effect on me even after six years of marriage. We spoke for a few minutes as he was in a hurry to go for his sortie. I never knew that it was the last ti…

PhoenixStory: An Intro

I started this blog as a virtual diary for penning my thoughts so that I can heal myself. Who am I? Well...the world calls me a widow, the forces call me a war widow, but I call myself a married woman whose husband is now in a place akin to Alice's Wonderland. It could even be Peter Pan's Neverland for all I care. The bottom line is that we no longer physically live together because of unforseen circumstances or as is popular in the forces "due to service exigencies".

Do I regret the kind of life I am presently living? To be brutally honest, YES, I mean, who likes to move around amidst people with their eyes either filled with pity  (as in "poor thing") or sarcasm (as in "look at her!!! No shame and no remorse!!!). Or its at times lust whereby people think that I am readily available to toy around with since I have "no strings attached" now. Well, its been six years and attitudes of majority is yet to change.  Yet, I have now stopped botheri…

Prologue

I don't even know why I am starting this blog in the first place. Maybe it is the after effects of the shocks that I have been getting at frequent intervals. Or probably it is a knee-jerk reaction to something I never thought could happen to me.
I have everything that anybody in my place could ever wish for. A family of four, supportive parents, amazing workplace, you name it and I have it. Yet, as is always the case, it is that one thing which you never want to happen which changes everything. For me, it was betrayal of my trust by that one singular person which shook my world.
Everybody finds a way to heal, to cope up. Writing has always been my go to resort. I hope that as I write, baring and daring all, I get the solace that I need to heal within.
Love, R